Monday, February 6, 2012

Overcoming Boredom and Apathy


I am excited about this new meme, Marriage Monday, created by Chrysalis seems this appears every first and third Monday and this week is something a bit new and different. I am just jumping in at Secret #9!

How Marriage Works:
21 Secrets Every Couple Needs to Know

Secret #9: Overcoming Boredom & Apathy

Q. Can you suggest some practical ways we can connect as a romantic couple on a regular basis?

A. Lynn and I will celebrate 40 years of marital bliss in March.... and I have to tell you we havent exactly worked out every secret there is to know about life together.... it is an unfolding adventure that has its highs and has its lows... But through it all we have learned to be content with whatever comes our way.... and we certainly would never wish, either of us, to have to have endured what we've been through without the thing we can say assuredly is there are as many levels of romance as there are stages in life.... we have experienced them all... Whether the romance was hot and spicy or cool as a cucumber one thing never changed... our deep devotion for the other.... and due to circumstances beyond our control with our respective families, and family responsibilities or our own personal health issues, there have come times when it is more than rocky in the romance department... so marriages that base their love and commitment on the physical alone may never make it .... it takes hard work to persevere through the dry times... boredom and apathy can take root but for us it took togetherness!...

Supporting one another with our love, our tenderness, our concern for what the other was doing, sharing , but also knowing when to give the other space to be alone and work out some things has also been integral to our longevity... It helped us to have separate home offices where we each have the space to expand and grow and develop new interests apart from one another. For me, I learned to love blogging, and Lynn loves to study topics on the internet like the stock market and race car driving....

Otherwise, we spend quality time together in church activities, event planning, Bible Study, and small group social gatherings...

We, neither of us have been exactly sports minded... spectators but not participants.... and over the years we have enjoyed our daughters sporting events which also led to shared interests in college games... but our deepest interest we've shared has been in the area of musical performance..... Our daughter plays classical violin and we have had seasons tickets to the symphony for years... some contemporary concerts and Broadway productions are favored joint pastimes... We enjoy planning vacations around favorite performing artists' concerts.. music is and always has been a unifying factor in our love relationship... when things just get downright quiet around our empty nest, my sweetheart will serenade me with a favorite song from the 60's....and  joy of joys  this eyar since lynn retired he ahs joined  in our church  senior choir and we are working on a Rodgers and Hammerstein  programme   which is  the greatest  fun to share together...     show tunes we all love to sing.. this has been a  true highlight in our  life together  now!

 As  we are both retired, eating out is a great deal of fun for us.... nothing especially fancy... mostly breakfasts out on Tuesday or Saturday, or a Diner's Club offering midweek... small tidbits of time carved out when we can just focus on the other.... from the very beginning of our marriage we noticed how older couples would just sit in restaurants silently never talking and eating in silence... we vowed we'd never ever do that... and it is still a vow we take with us when we dine out... we are both very conscious of keeping the communication going with spirit, enthusiasm and that dear knowing little smile we  share together, remembering!

One thing I might add refers to something that I am learning in church this week... We all tend to erect our little kingdoms of what we expect out of life.... I worked outside of the home for 30 years teaching school and during that time I dreamed of retiring and moving to live by the lake... at one time we might have afforded it,  but as the time came to really think about the possibility,  the prices were out of our reach... one wall of my kingdom came tumbling down.... but that was ok because the other walls were staunchly supported by my huge dream of touring Great Britain.... I have planned and planned my dream itinerary spending the most of my time in Scotland... oh,   it would definitely take at least 3 weeks on our own driving all over the Island to see what all I "have" to see.... but as the time arrived when I might actually be putting my feet to action.. God threw me a curve ball. Circumstances are such that I dont see a trip anywhere in my future for some time to come....I can dream , but I cant allow my hope deferred to make me ill as the scriptures say it is wont to do!  Learning contentment with things just the way they are is key to happiness and life together... make the most of everyday.... loving and living and sharing, and caring.... and look for little joys along the way because God has miracles great and small for us if we are watching and expecting!


  1. Thanks for sharing! I find I am always closest to being unhappy in my marriage when a dream of mine has crumbled. I have learned I would like to blame my relationship and thank God he has dealt with that in my life. Thanks for your sweet thoughts.

  2. You've given us tons of great suggestions here to keep the love alive. Thanks.

  3. Forty years together!!! That's marvellous! It sounds like you have a very strong marriage built on many solid foundation stones.

    We are both at home during the day too (but not retired) and I have found this is particularly important as well:

    "...knowing when to give the other space to be alone and work out some things has also been integral to our longevity... It helped us to have separate home offices where we each have the space to expand and grow and develop new interests apart from one another."

    When you are both growing and learning separately, there is so much to discuss together over dinner!

    Thanks for joining us for Marriage Monday today, Schotzy.

    Blessings, e-Mom @ Chrysalis

  4. I agree with you on how much fun it is to plan and to dream. My Hub is looking to retire in about 5 years and our plan has always been to have a cabin in Montana or Idaho so we could be in the mountains that we love to hike in. Last year he was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer and because it was so aggressive, he had his prostate removed. He has recovered beautifully (except for the romantic department like you mentioned) but fortunately our relationship is based on something much deeper than the physical. It's not been easy but the alternative of him not being with me is unthinkable! He is closely monitored to ensure that the cancer doesn't come back somewhere else but now our cabin dream is no longer the certainty it once was. If something were to happen to him, I wouldn't want to be so faraway from our children. We are in wait mode...I think we can plan and have dreams but at the core, we have to trust in God and allow Him to have His will in our lives! Thanos for sharing from your abundance of experience and knowledge!

  5. What a fantastic post! You are such a gifted writer, and I always enjoy your postings. I guess because Donnie and I will have 42 years this August, I saw us so clearly in this. Thanks for sharing a peek into your life, looking forward to more post from Marriage Monday!!


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